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If You just Read Your Bible, Go to Church, Believe in God, and try to be a Good Person, YOUR DOING IT WRONG.

Let me ask a question. What does it really mean to be a Christian? Because if it means we are 'good people', go to church, read our Bibles regularly, pray regularly, and share our faith with others... we are MISERABLY FAILING.
Yes you heard me right... MISERABLY FAILING! Now I might add that not all are, but from the many 'Christians' I know, interact, hear and see there is only a small handful that do that, and there is even a smaller handful who do more then just the 'required steps to being a Christian'.
I look at us Christians who say, "We need to walk in the footsteps of Christ" and pretty much walk in the complete opposite direction. You see reading your Bible, praying, and going to Church on Sunday, that my friends is the BARE MINIMUM of what makes us Christian, that should just be assumed in a Christian, that's the pre-programing already set in the coding of Christianity.
So may I ask, WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN TO BE A CHRISTIAN.
Recently I have been in some conversations with individuals who are tired, frustrated and fed up with the kind of 'Christianity' that seems to be the norm of today's Christianity. They look at the people around them and see fakes, liers, and falling shorts. Oh yeah and that 75% that leaves the church when they go off to University, a lot of those people are my friends, and believe me when I say it's not because they listened to some new age philosopher and don't believe in God anymore, nope not one bit. For the majority of them, they have noticed the indifference between 'Christianity' and the Bible and are done with 'Christianity' but not the Bible. Unfortunately I would go as far as saying even those people cannot call themselves true 'Christians'...why? BECAUSE THEY LEFT.
You see this is the frustration my friends and I have, we see the issues being addressed but we see either ignorance or walking away happening. I am sorry to inform you but if there is something broken, YOU NEED TO ADDRESS, ASSESS AND DEAL WITH THE ISSUE. Not ignore it or walk away from it.
So here is what I am saying, if you are a 'Christian' and you barely read your Bible, you pray over meals and sometimes when the going gets tough, you believe in a divine being, and you go to Church on Sundays. YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. And if you call yourself a 'Christian' and you even do all that stuff YOU STILL ARE DOING IT WRONG.
"Wait?! What do you mean Nathan? Both are wrong? But how?"
Here's how, even if you are doing all those things, those are just the foundation of a whole Kingdom, the starting blocks for a building to be built upon! Those are natural reactions, that yes, time and discipline needs to be put into, but also those are just the start of what it means to being a Christian.
Take John the Baptist for example. This guy seems to be a big deal at the beginning of pretty much all the Gospels. Now something you need to understand about John, the dude was the son of a Priest, and not just any priest but a Jewish, Jerusalem, Lamb sacrificing, Scapegoat making, Torah preaching, Holy of Holy walking into kind of Priest. Basically the dudes dad was a big deal, and had the means to live like he was a big deal as well.
That gives you a bit of a background on John. But when you read about John you notice something. He didn't live in pleasure, he didn't following in his father's career path... he in fact lived very simply. He chose a life of complete separation from society, he had long hair, and a long beard, probably didn't smell too great, not bad, but not great either, he wore animal skins, not cloth, or silk, he ate dried bugs and bees honey. His day job became his life job of preaching and dunking people who felt bad about their decisions in a dirty body of water. The dude was in fact kind of weird... well really weird. He yelled and warned of a king to come who would bring a kingdom down to earth from Heaven. He yelled so loud and was so weird that the priest's and Jewish leaders went to see what all his yelling and warning was about.
This guy was in any definition a RADICAL. Now not a weirdo, hypocritical, judgmental, "your going to burn in hell for being a faggot" radical. But a radical in the sense that he DEVOTED HIS ENTIRE EXISTENCE TO TELLING OTHERS ABOUT JESUS' COMING.
Now I sit back and read that at the beginning of the Gospels and say to myself... "Am I doing that? Am I devoting all I have, all I am, socially, emotionally, spiritually, economically, culturally, financially, spatially, and mentally, to God and to His proclamation upon this earth?" If the answer is no then I either A) need to drop out of the whole 'Christian' thing and continue living my normal life, or B) I NEED TO START BEING RADICAL IN THE JOHN THE BAPTIST WAY.
"But Nathan, people will stare, they will think your 'different', you will be yelled at, screamed at, hated, laughed at, you will loose friends, maybe family, you are just taking it way to seriously"
Am I though? and really are you so worried that you will loose your social life that you wont commit all to God? Do you realize what you are saying now, especially if you are a Christian? You essentially are saying the Bible is false. Yes I just accused you of not submitting to the Authority of Scripture... and here is why:
Able died for giving all to God, Noah was laughed at and an outcast for giving all to God, Abraham left his family to give all to God, Issac was almost sacrificed for giving all to God, Jacob lost his wife by giving all to God, Joseph was left for dead and sold into slavery by giving his all for God, Moses lost his political, social, financial, economical, and family status for giving his all to God, Joshua wondered in the desert for 40 years and lead a complaining, doubting and disobedient people for giving his all to God, Gideon almost lost his life for giving his all to God, Samson lost his hair and eyes and life for giving his all to God, David gave up his security and was made a international outlaw for giving his all to God, Jeremiah lost his nation for giving his all to God, Nehemiah, Ezra, and Zechariah put everything they had on the line for God, Shadrack, Mecshack and Abednigo (totally spelt those wrong) were thrown into a furnace that killed the men who stood beside it for giving their all to God, Daniel was given to the licking lips of Lions and accused of National treason for giving his all to God, John the Baptist gave up his wealthy happy life for giving his all to God, Peter left his home and reputation and business to give it all to God, Paul left his Religious status, and economical power to give it all to God. And those are only the big names, there are COUNTLESS PEOPLE in the Bible who gave IT ALL UP FOR GOD. WHO WERE RADICALS.
"Yeah but Nathan that's the Bible, those people were different"
UM HOW? You show me one thing that made them any different then you are? They prayed more? SO CAN YOU! They knew Jesus? Did you know it took the disciples to realize who Jesus was 40 days after he died! THEY WERE NORMAL PEOPLE.
The world has changed economically, socially and religiously by normal everyday people, JUST LIKE YOU AND ME! who simply said, "I am giving it all to God" and they changed the world. They reformed the church, they traveled across America bring people to God, they wrote books and started organizations that defended the faith and brought millions to spiritual freedom. NORMAL PEOPLE! CHRISTIANS, not 'Christians', but CHRISTIANS!
We should be the kind of people that others look at and ask, "WHAT IS DIFFERENT ABOUT THEM", not by what we say, not even by what we do, but by WHO WE ARE! That we look, smell, and show that we are Christians, that the minute we walk into the room, get onto the bus, step on the subway, pass by on the street, drive past in our car... PEOPLE GO, "THERE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT THEM, AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT!?"
Yes you will be laughed at, rejected, spat, mad fun off, pushed away, BUT SO WHAT?! Jesus died on a cross, NAKED, in front of EVERYONE! Crucifixion was so humiliating Roman Law said if you were a citizen you weren't aloud to be crucified no matter what horrible, inhuman crime you committed! Paul was stoned, imprisoned, and left to die in a ship wreck, all the disciples except for John were killed! those are only 14 people out of THE COUNTLESS, who gave their all to God and were spat out by this world... and you are worried about loosing some friends and you social life?
What does it mean to be a  true Christian, really? Are you one? If not, what are you going to do?

The Elephant and the Mouse.

This morning I was watching a video by the Bible Project people, amazing videos by the way, go and look them up! But they emphasized a certain story in the Bible where a Centurion comes to Jesus and asks him to heal one of his servants. For some reason I was drawn to this story, so I spent a good amount of time reflecting on it. I looked it up, found the passage in Matthew 8:5-13 where it talks about this. And It was amazing.
You see I had always known the at passage from a young age but it suddenly just clicked for me. In the Bible Project video what caught my attention was they had made Jesus just look like a normal guy and the Centurion this huge hulking figure... and the contrast between Jesus and him was like a mouse to an elephant, and then the Centurion bows before Jesus... the elephant becomes lower then the mouse. This was the first thing that caught my eye, as a visual learner it really spoke to me. When I looked it up it made even more sense.
You see the Centurion approaches Jesus right after healing a leper, and it says that there was a great crowd following him. Verse 5 shows that Jesus had just entered a city, which was even more crowded, and out of the crowd comes this "big Roman Pagan bady" the symbol of Roman Rule and authority basically. I can just see everyone holding their breath, the Elephant is about to stomp on the mouse, is probably everyone's thought but something happens, SOMETHING HUGE.
The Centurion, a Roman Military official opens his mouth, and what are the first words that come out of it, "Lord". A word of authority and knowledge. He then asks, not commands but humbly asks Jesus to come and please heal his sick servant. Jesus says he will come. Still shockingly the Centurion says,
"Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof"
I AM NOT WORTHY! This guy isn't even a Jew, he doesn't know of the Messianic prophesies or anything. He is a Jupiter, Caesar worshiping Roman non-Jewish Gentile. And he not only recognizes Jesus' authority but submits to it.
Jesus sees this and what does He say in response, "Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel have I found such faith". Out of everyone Jesus says this Centurion, the symbol of Roman oppression, a Gentile has more faith in Him, ultimately God then any Jew. WOW.
That stopped me and made me think... what kind of faith do I have... do we have?
Do I have faith like the Centurion? or faith like all of Israel?
Look at your faith? Who do you find yourself, TRULY, being in?
"TRULY, I TEL YOU, WITH NO ONE IN ISRAEL HAVE I FOUND SUCH FAITH."
  

Lent, a new, old perspective

So if any of you have grown up either in the the Catholic church, with Catholic background, or you were the weird protestant like I was and went to a Catholic elementary school you will know of the practice and recognize the word "Lent". Now when I was younger I never gave much thought to it, I thought, as most of you probably do, it was just another "weird" Catholic tradition. But recently I have been led to look at it differently, from a new perspective that is actually an old one!
To begin to introduce you to this perspective we have to first know that every Tuesday morning a meet with a friend of mine at school and we discuss readings from a book we are working through called "The Imitations of Christ" by Thomas a Kempis (as a side note if you are a God fearing, and Christ seeking Christian I highly recommend this read). In our weekly discussions we frequently discuss the topic of "a higher standard". This last Wednesday marked the beginning of Lent in the Church Calendar, Sam (the guy I meet with) mentioned to me that since his time as Tyndale (now three years) he has been intrigued with the true idea of Lent and so regularly practices it. Like wise he then challenged me to implement the practice into my life this year, as a spiritual discipline.
Now if you have no idea what I am talking about, like the good Catholic shunning Protestant you are, let me explain what Lent is now, and what it was originally meant to be!
Lent in the Catholic tradition is a time where an individual gives up something for 40 days prior to Easter. These sacrifices tend to be chocolate, T.V. or junk food in general. Now this has become, like a lot of things in the Catholic faith, an obligatory tradition that is done in repetition each year.
Now what is Lent meant, and supposed to be? Lent was a practice adopted by the early church to represent the 40 days of fasting in the desert that Jesus took prior to his mission work, (Matthew 4:1-11, and Luke 4:2). Why this was adopted was to help the individuals of the church offer something up to God (notice I did not say sacrifice) so that the individual(s) could come closer to God and grow in His will.
This original practice however due to time and lack of real education on it has been lost to tradition, obligation and sacrifice. The meaning of it has been lost and is either practiced for the sake of mere practice or not done at all (aka protestants).
Now as I have said earlier, Sam had challenged me this past Tuesday to take on the practice of lent as an offering and time to grow closer to God. And so I have adopted it into my own life and faith Journey. This Lent season I have given up my individual alone watching of Netflix and use of social media on my Phone (Snap chat, Messenger, mobile Facebook and messenger) instead of meaninglessly wasting my time with these I am replacing the time in growing either closer to God individually or growing in community with my brothers and sisters in faith. It has almost been a week and not going to lie I have felt, like Jesus was, tempted in this spiritual "fasting desert" to give in to my offering over to God. But in this process I have gained a new perspective of offering, prayer, and my own walk with God.
And so I would challenge you to start your own offering and "fasting in the desert" process in this Lent season. We are a week in but that doesn't matter, do it to benefit your spiritual walk with God. I would then challenge you to please post your offering and fasting decision down below in the comments!

Not A God of Moments

I am sitting here in "Sanctuary" the regular Sunday night praise and worship chapel led by the chapel interns at my School.
Here's the thing as I sit here with music being played, with eyes closed, hands and voices raising high God leads me to two thoughts.
1) He is not a God of moments
2) we are the same in this as we are any other time.
First we need to understand that God is not a God of moments. He works in moments but He is not a God of feeling, or simply just emotion. Faith in Him is not just a living from one mountain top spiritual high to the next. Of course this is a regular occurrence in Christianity, and I must admit I am so guilty of it as well! But this is a life style of lies created by Satan. Yes we are filled by the Spirit at certain times, the doors in certain occasions are more open then others. But He does not only just work then... I fully believe and know (because there has been life experience and Biblical proof) that God works even more in the "low points" of our lives!
This then goes into my second thought. That we are the same in this "moment" as we were before we walked in, and as we walk out. I find it strange that a lot of times people walk out of Spirit led services, bible studies, and conferences and then go right back into the same sinful retinues, hobbies and habits (again I am so guilty of this as well!). I find it kind of ironic that we stand and sit with arms lifted high, eyes closed, saying "Amen" and all the other Christian responders words and then when we walk away from such an empowering from God just give up once people start noticing we are Christians.
I have worked with youth and in youth ministry for 6 years now, and countless times kids have come to me and said, "Nathan you are so encouraging, I wish I had your faith, I want what you have, how can you do it?".... and here's the thing there is really nothing different from them and me, other then age, and maybe if they are a girl... but I am a human, I struggle, I fail, I screw up (so much!!), I go threw daily battles emotionally, mentally, spiritually and sometimes physically. So what am I doing different? Well I am not doing anything... its God that does something!
You see when we walk away from our "mountiantop" Spirit experiences and go back into the crappy, sinful lost world we live in we have to let God do His thing and have the lead in our life. I think a lot of the "valley" feelings we get and the discouragement that happens is due to not letting God completely in. And also understand that Satan really will never lean you alone. I have said it so many times, but Satan does not care one bit that you are Christian, he could care less. He (Satan) starts caring when you lwt God have complete control! Absolute power. This is when Satan grows afraid and starts doing all he can in his fear.
So heres the thong God will never take away your problems, issues, struggles, pain or sin... what would be the good of that? God is not a magic genie in a bottle that you rub with prayer... He is not a magic wand that you wave over your life to fix all your problems. He is also not a old mean man who leaves you alone also. No God rather walks with you in this life! He walks with you as you go through this world, as you go through your struggles, your problems and sin.
So as I walk away out of this chapel and start a new week of readings, lectures, notes, and Satan's temptation I would challenge not only you but also myself of Moses. You see Moses would spend days even weeks solely with God on Mnt.Sinai, and when he would come down he came back countless times to a people who turned away from God to a golden Calf, who complained, and who ultimately caused him to never reach the promised land himself. Moses litrally came down from a mountain top of God's Spirit into a valley of lost, broken, confused, sinful people. But yet Moses never lost faith in God or His promises, he struggled, he had hard and difficult times... but never lost faith.
So let us all be challenged to make a decision, and a declaration and be a generation from this point on of Moses people who walk away from the mountain top into the valley but no matter what never loose hope or faith in Him!

A Year of Reflection: My 2015 Journey

2016. That my friends is crazy in its self! Remember back in 2011 when everyone thought we were going to all die in 2012? Ha. So that never happened...
Anyways it has been another year, memories have been made and things have happened that all of us wish to forget.
For myself 2015 was a bit of a rollicoster ride, after starting off semi-smoothly I had my girlfriend brake up with me in back in early March it lead me into a very confusing but much needed state. I began to reflect on my choices, decisions and life in general. For the next 4 months I would dive into a self discovery mode. With 2 months in a Pastoral internship, writing sermons every week brought me to a point where I learned a lot about not only God but myself as well as a young theologian going into ministry. I then would go through the next two months as program director of a summer camp.
In these 5 months I learned more about myself, my faith and who I am then I have in the past 20 years of my life. I stopped and asked myself "Who am I, where do I want to go, and who does God call and compel me to be?" With these questions in mind I began to almost restructure, refocus and restart the life I had started to walk down in the past year.
With the turning point being my girlfriend braking up with me I at first went into shock. My life suddenly seemed to stop. I had grown close at first as a friend to this girl over the past 2 years and then finally asked her out at a christian 3 day concert/conference. With regular weekend visits, skype study dates, and late night phone calls, I thought life was all fitting into place. I was going to school for Theology (my dream), I was dating someone I really liked and got along with, and I was regularly going to a huge church every Sunday. Then on a weekend in March she sat me down and over the next 2 hours explained she was braking up with me to deal with some issues in her life she had been ignoring. I didn't know what to do.
For starters I was lost... the church I was going to was the one she had been going to and was 1 1/2hr away, school was unbearable because I was a wreck and I was single again. What was I to do? I stupidly started talking to a girl who I had previously been interested in prior to my relationship, I made the mistake of almost rebounding and dating this girl, but God quickly stopped me and slapped me in the face. The following Sunday after my brake up I was invited by a friend to come to their church which was literally a God sent! This church is now my home church, which I love and regularly attend every week!
After school was over and the stress of exams was slowly wearing off I went back home where I was to start my Pastoral internship for May and June. A couple months prior I had contacted my dad and asked if I could, upon my arrival home from the school year, regularly preach at the evening services my church ran. He suggested, and put forward to the deacons that I do a Pastoral internship and completely take over and remodel the evening services. And so I came back home and began doing this. I preach almost every Sunday night and lead the congregation on a hour-long intensive study of God's word as a whole unit not separate testaments, books, chapters or verses. This brought me to a place where I would spend the entire week preparing not only the sermon but my spiritual state. It gave me a focus to pursue and led me back to my deep love for God and sharing His amazing power and love to others.
For the entire year of 2015 (January-August) I had been preparing for the two months of July and August which I was to be the Program Director at Camp Cherith, a Christian Summer camp outside of Walkerton, ON. In this position I was to lead the entire camp each week in meals, games, and an over arching theme. This job was like none other I had done at camp, in previous years I had worked in kitchen, on maintenance, I had counseled cabins, and been the director of the leadership program. Being the program director however meant I basically ran what the campers experienced at camp, which for me was slightly difficult as it meant being very organized, on point, and administrative. Now if you know me, you know that my personality is that of the B type, meaning I am thinking of and about multiple things, and although I am meticulous for detail, I am not organized (or at least not to most people). I had to work through working with multiple personalities, and letting others help me with things. I did however work along side another staff member who became a good friend and someone who also worked in a stressful and maintenance job. This individual was very different then me but listened to my rants, complaints, annoyances and multiple nerdy references (which she had no clue most of the time what I was talking about!). For this I am very thankful for her throughout the summer!
In sumary, this job, although stressful and difficult was very eye opening to me about myself and showed me a lot about who I am and how I work in certain situations and with certain people.
After all this I began my second year at University, which I was very excited and nervous for as I was going into the student leadership position of RA (Residence Adviser). In this position I was responsible for 15 young men who were attending school along with me. I was to be something who could help them, answer questions and if they wanted mentor them along not only their physical and emotional life journey but spiritual one as well. As I grew used to this I began to love it, and continued to learn more and more about myself and who God has created me to be!
finally we come to today. As I sit here full of popcorn from seeing Star Wars VII and looking back on this year and looking in anticipation for the year to come. I head into this year knowing God will do amazing and great things, I also know it might be hard in the moment but upon reflection I will see His great plan for it all!
And so I would then challenge you to really look back on your year and see what God has done, shown and where He has grown in you life. And I pray that He will continue to work on and in and through all of us!
God bless, and Happy New year friends!

Not just a bunch of boys, sheep, old men and gifts.

Is it not interesting to note that it was Sheppard's and Wise Men that came to worship and glorify Christ at his birth? Why is this so interesting? Because these two groups were not of the Jewish faith. Perhaps maybe the Sheppard's were, however they were low on the Jewish social latter, seen as dirty and unclean. The Wise Men were those from the east... and were not from Israel, therefore they were not in the Jewish genealogy. 
So I stop and look at this, and as God has been encouraging me to look forward onto the cross this Christmas, I cannot help but see the amazing things He is telling and showing all those around through these two groups.
Through the Sheppard's God reveals that Jesus will work with and among those who are seen as outcasts, and that they will draw close to Him, seeing who He truly is being healed not only physically and mentally, but spiritually as well.
God reveals through the Wise Men that Jesus' words will touch those who are not Jewish, that He will impact the Gentile world too. This is very evident as His gospel was not only brought to Gentiles after His death and Resurrection but also during His life, seen especially by his works with the Roman soldiers prior to and at the cross.
So the few sheep herders and old men from the east were not just a coincidence at the "Christmas story" they plaid an important part for what God was, is, and will always do physically and spiritually.
And so I challenge you this Christmas to look deeper into the "Christmas Story" we know so well and seek to see what God has, and is trying to truly say to His creation! 

Merry Christmas everyone

I Am Tired of Christmas

It's Eve Christmas, the presents are out, the trees are dressed in lights and childhood memories, the craziness of last minute shopping (men) has begun, and the last minute changes of outfits for the Church service will be a common thing tonight.
But here's the thing, I am tired of Christmas. That's right you heard this Pastor kid, Theology student, Bible believing, breathing, living Christian. I. AM. TIRED. OF. CHRISTMAS.
Now before you get all mad at me and say that I am Satan hear me out on what I mean by this.
What I mean is that I find as Christians although we try are best to not get caught up in secularism, we then dive to far into the Nativity story.
As Christians to stray away from the world we turn to our cute little nativity season and Christmas pageants with the Sunday school kids sticking their hands down their pants and running around throwing the sheep at the three wise men (who I might add dawn their drawn on beard quiet proudly) but we forget that Christmas isn't really about little Baby Jesus at all.
Again I say "CHRISTMAS IS NOT REALLY ABOUT LITTLE BABY JESUS AT ALL" and please bear with me here... I do not condone heresy or Satan. So what is Christmas about then Nathan? Mr.JESUS ISN'T THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!?
This is what I mean, we focus on Baby Jesus so much that we forget about Adult Jesus. And then BOOM Easter and it is all about Adult Jesus and we forget about everything else... but once that's done good bye Adult Jesus...
The thing is Jesus is the same Jesus... he's the baby, and the adult. And I have been convicted lately (especially in the last week) to not read the traditional "Christmas story" but in my devotions (I have been working my way through the Gospels) I just happen to come to Mark 14... aka the the "Easter Story" the week of Christmas... Coincidence? I think not my dear Blog reader!
You see God has been saying to me, "Nathan today and tomorrow are not about Jesus being born... that's a minor thing, today and tomorrow, they are about what I am about to do in History at this point. This part of the story is merely the ending of the prologue, the preface, the overture, the final touch before the real story." You see God has been showing me that Christmas isn't about "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed", it's not about Sheppard or Wise men... NATHAN IT'S ABOUT THE CROSS! It's about the anticipation for the climaxation of all of creation! (Yes I know climaxation is not a word... but you gotta admit it sounds cool in that sentence!).
So here's the thing, I am tired of Christmas... I am tired that we have made Christmas about a baby and not a conquoring king... not about THE GREATEST SACRIFICE OF ALL OF TIME AND HISTORY!
This Christmas join me in remembering not the baby, not the manager... but join me this Christmas in really remember CHRIST MASS (A REMEMBER OF CHRIST'S SACRIFICE ON THE CROSS) join me in properly enjoying, rejoicing and celebrating Jesus and who He was, is and will forever be.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Self Labeled

I call myself a Christian. Does this mean I believe in a divine being who has created the earth and all of existence. Yes, but it is not the core of this claim or what it means to be self-labeled a "Christian". If I choose this name for my life, it means no matter what I do, He is above every person, every place, every decision, every job, every sport, every situation and circumstance. Being a Christian means I am choosing to surrender and offer over my sinful life so that His crucified forgiveness may replace my stained selfishness. Being a Christian does not simply mean I claim in my Facebook religious status that I "Love Jesus" or "Christian" but rather that my status of life is God designed. Yes I read my Bible, yes every Sunday I wake up and go to church... but is this the core of who I am as a Christian, simply knowing my way around the Bible, or putting on a tie every 7th day does not gain my salvation before Christ.
I call myself a Christian... why? Because I am willing to let God shape who I am... I am willing to be made fun of, looked down upon, called names, get ridiculed in, and outside of school. Being a Christian is not being a good person... being a good person is simply being a good person. Being a Christian is being less then self so the Christ might instill a selfless heart within you. Being Christian means willing to let God take you wherever, to who ever, through what ever, so that you may become a reflection of Him to this world. It means that when God says "go here", you go... it means when God says "STOP", you stop.
I call myself a Christian not because I believe in God, not because I read my Bible, not because I go to church, not because I live in a western world, not because I am a "good person", not because I go to church... but because I see each day that I am a sinner... that I will always be a sinner... I call myself a Christian because each day I come before the cross, on which a selfless, sinless, savior died... who took not just my stains and guilt, but yours and everyone... I call myself a Christian because I not only believe in the forgiveness given by Him but I live the forgiveness in thankfulness each and every breath I take.
Tell me... what do you call yourself?

Paris, Profile Pictures and Awareness

Now as all of you probably know this weekend Paris was brutally attacked by ISIS. And many of you by showing support of Paris have chosen to participate in the facebook profile picture change movement that brings a french flag "haze"to your profile picture. Over the past three days I have been appalled and angered by the posts I have been seeing on my newsfeed about those who have been participating (myself included) in this support of Paris movement. Many are posting articles and comments that speak against doing this, saying that why do we support Paris when there were other attacks on the world during the week.
Here is my complaint, why are we not supporting this profile picture movement more? Instead of posting against it look at what it is truly doing! By changing your profile picture to this "hazed" French flag you are not only bringing awareness to the fact that Paris was attacked, but awareness to the deeper issues that this is a problem. Do you realize that it took Pearl Harbor to happen before the USA stepped into WW2? Would you say the same things against anyone who showed support to America after that event? Because what happened in Paris this weekend is a similar modern day Pearl Harbor, in the sense that it is waking up people to the fact that ISIS and the evil that that is happening in this world today is real and is not just a "Middle Eastern Squabble" but a real thing that is effecting the world.
So I would argue for you to stop complaining and see that the people who are doing this Profile Picture change are being more responsible then you ever have been. They realize the deeper issues that are at hand, but you in your immaturity do not... rather you would seek to complain about something.
So I have changed my profile picture because I don't believe that it is simply for Paris, or that it will stop Terror in this world, but because I want people to be aware of the fact that this is a serious thing, that we need to start realizing that we are effected by everything. Our culture and society needs to stop tweeting, texting, snapping, and instagraming and start realizing there is more in this world then selfies, money, parties, and sex. That we need to be aware and stand up for this, not simply ignore or complain about it but actually do something to change it.

Are You a Christian? Am I a Christian? Is She a Christian? How About Him?

"The Kingdom of Heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it."
-Matthew 13:44-46

The other day in a late night/early morning chat with some friends the question, "How do we know if people are truly Christians?" came up. Honestly I know that we frequently ask this question looking at others, and sometimes even looking at ourselves. I think Jesus did a pretty good job at showing us how not only through His life but also through His words, especially the ones quoted above.
You see I fully believe and know that we know when someone is a truly a Christian when one two one thing happens;
Upon discovering the mystery and wonder of the Gospel, they go completely head long into it and eat up anything and everything they can about God, scripture and being His child. That they will spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes physically give everything away and up only to desire and seek Him better and more.
You see I think a lot of times we over think Christianity, we make lists and regulations, requirements and duties. This is why I know people shun the Christian faith because in our foolishness to seek Him better we have really done the opposite and counter acted the very words of Jesus.
I fully believe that in this we as the western Church have become a pharisaic faith. Now I am no it going to start bashing on the church, I love church, there is a reason why every Sunday I get up and go to it. But what I am saying here is this, Christianity is simply, but we make it hard, really really hard.
We look at someone and we say, "Okay so if you want to be a Christian you need to; Go to church every Sunday, make sure you or your kids also go to youth group on Friday, Bible reading must be a daily thing, prayer is important so make sure 15 minutes of your day is spent in it. Make sure you read books on faith, such as Francis Chan, C.S. Lewis, oh and listen to David Platt, he is really good. You can't swear, you can't drink, you need to be careful what you listen too, and what you watch, well just to play it safe, always listen to worship music, like Kari Jobe, Micheal W. Smith, and Hillsong, Hillsong is really good, also if you don't like David Crowder and you are a hipster you are clearly not a Christian Hipster (For the sake of being honest I actually can't stand David Crowder, personal preference). On Sundays you have to wear a tie if your a guy and do your hair if you are a girl, jeans.... jeans in the church are not aloud, hats as well, and anything that doesn't really look like you aren't going to a wedding or a funeral"... and so much more
You see what I mean though, you know what Jesus said about being a Christian?
Now this is me paraphrasing so I apologize for my Message like wording here,
"To be a Christian, really all it means is once you find me, you realize how fake everything else is, and how it will never please you like I fully do. So you drop it all and completely desire and follow me." Not "You need to do this, you can't do this."
Jesus Simply wants us to desire Him with our whole life, and as a result of that desire our life then doesn't need anything else, doesn't think of anything else, doesn't find full pleasure, full fulfillment, full completeness and full peace in anything else but Him.
So how will people know we are Christians, how will you know yourself that you are a Christian? Because nothing else satisfies but Him and that is so clear because we drop everything for Him. Our desire is so strong that no matter what happens in life we have a strange sense of peace, that sure our money might be in the negatives, the struggle might be real, we might have no friends, we might be bullied for what we believe in, and so on, but in all of that our faith, trust, reliance and passion for Him only continues to grow in it.
"They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love" for Him.

The Unforgivable Sin

"Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come"
-Matthew 12:31&32


I once spoke at my church on forgiveness, after a member of the congregation approached me and said, "You said every sin is forgiven by God, but that isn't Biblical, a pastor once told me that there is a sin in the Bible that is unforgivable by God."
I told him to show me the chapter and verse of this said passage. He however never re-approached me on the matter. However, in my daily devotions I cam across the verse, as seen above, and here is my issue with it.
Now do not get me wrong I am not disagreeing with scripture at all, as a member in ministry and Biblical Studies I kind of can't disagree with scripture, even if I wanted to. No my issue with this passage is not the passage itself but rather the reader. You see the pastor that told this man that it said there was an unforgivable sin was slightly wrong and correct in the same instant with saying this. 
What aggravates me the most, especially being one in Ministry is when others, especially those in ministry leadership misquote the context of the scripture they are reading.
You see if you read this passage alone it makes sense that there is an unforgivable sin, however if you read the whole chapter that it is in, you see something completely different then just an unforgivable sin.
In this chapter Jesus is addressing the pharisees and their hypocrisy. He is talking about those who follow him and those who do not. And so when he says this statement about not forgiving it is said to mean that those who deny God are not forgiven.
There is a thing in Christian Doctrine called General Revelation, which basically means that everyone can and deep down knows God exists. As one who has a Christian world view I fully believe this doctrine to be true and Biblical. Jesus most likely did as well, so with that in mind; Jesus is saying here that anyone who knows God exists but chooses to live a life that says other wise, they are then living a lie, and thus living in sin. Seeing as God is a Holy God, meaning he is completely separated from sin, He cannot associate Himself with it. So those who choose this living lie cannot be associated with God, or rather cannot be forgiven, out of their own choosing!
But here's the thing though, all those who admit and live in His existence and presence are forgiven, in the sense that they follow Him and seek Him. So those who sin against the Son of Man, are those who are followers of Him, however they are still human and so still sin. Those who sin against the Holy Spirit are those who deny His calling to their life and choose their own path, or rather the preset path of sin.
So is sin forgivable before God according to this scripture? Yes and No... Yes because if you accept the cross and resurrection, if you believe in it, and lay down your choice of a self lead life, and choose that of a God centered, desiring and guided life you will be forgiven in, by, with and through Him. No because if you deny all that you choose a living lie, and so live in, with, through and by that lie. But it is never too late to realize the truth and follow Him. This is my prayer.
 

Too Ashamed or Scared to Tell

Its the feeling of being trapped. That's what it feels like, the fact that you see the key to the lock, you have it in your hand, but knowingly you stay. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like you that's making you stay. That something else, someone else is controlling everything you do in that moment. and you sit there watching, helpless… after, after you realize that you have locked yourself back in the cage, back to what you hate. You feel alone in the cage, oh so alone, like no one else wants to be there, like no else understands, like everyone will judge you and think you are so stupid and so disgusting for staying their. You
feel dirty. You feel like you will never get out, soon you feel like you don’t deserve to leave the cage, that you should just belong there… that the outside doesn’t want you, that's why you stay. That’s why you can’t and won’t leave.
This is what it means to have a porn addiction.

Why is it such a taboo to talk about this struggle this issue? Why can people openly talk about eating disorders and drug addictions openly, but the minute you bring up this addiction, this struggle, everyone runs and hides. This is a topic the church is afraid to address. They are too busy pointing fingers at homosexuals and worried that Trudeau is the Antichrist to worry about the fact that the majority of people in the congregation have some sort of porn problem.
However we hide behind our ties and shirts and do not admit this issue, because it is “To personal” or “to sensitive” we are worried about everyone judging us. And if someone does ever say anything it is responded by shaking heads and shunning looks… but we will clap and cheer when someone comes up with a drug problem or an eating problem. I am not saying these are not real issues as well, if you are taking that from this you are completely missing the point. I am saying that the issue of porn addiction is an issue that needs to be dealt with and addressed regularly like anything else in the church today.
As a male Christian in this world I know how hard it is to a) try their best not to give in to the on coming avalanche of porn introducing possibilities and b) to come before my brothers and sister in Christ and admit this problem.
Now some of you who read this may be shaking your heads already, however hear me out. I am saying that this problem needs to be changed, to the point where it is not a regular problem that is shoved under the bed by so many in our church, (male and female a like). I am saying this as someone who has struggled for years with this issue and only recently has begun to keep it under control and before God.
I also say these things to tell those who are reading this out their that my friend, my brother, my sister, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Those are lies! Lies that have been fed to you until they become your truth, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Not just spiritually (because yes God is there with you) but also physically. Thousands of your brothers and sisters in Christ right now are going through the same thing. So I am here for you, I may not know you but I am praying for you, and I am here. I know how hard it is, I know those long nights you lay there battling the urge, and those thoughts of hatred towards yourself, and that voice that isolates you, making you think that “No one will ever understand”.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, the lights have been turned on and so many are with you in the cage. So Brothers and Sisters, whether you yourself struggle with this issue, or know someone, let us bring this forward, let us make it so we can feel comfortable to come forward in a church, a small group, a youth group or just some good friends and say “I am addicted to porn, and I need help”. Does this struggle make you any less of a Christian? Not at all! Unfortunately we as humans have the tendency to make sins “stronger” then others…. but God only sees sin, so whether it’s that you struggle with homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, sex, lying, stealing, gossiping, or even porn… you are all sinful, but you are all also children of God!
So as one people under a merciful, a loving, but yet strong God, let us come and work together to seek Him! No matter the issue, the struggle, lie, or pain we have, carry or believe ourselves to be. Let the church truly be the house of God where everyone can come and confess to one another, whether it is this thing or that. Stop arguing over which denomination is right or wrong, stop posting on our news feed about how liberals are either the devil or the second coming! Open your eyes and see the issues infant of you, the issues that sit right in our very congregations, and open your eyes, ears, hearts and minds to them, letting God’s Holy Spirit work through in and with you.
Let us be the true Catholic (Universal) Church, whether universal in physicality, racially, spiritually, or sinfully. Let us not be afraid, but let us be joyful, hopeful, and free in Him.

Do I really Desire God? or am I just Crazy?

I delight in the Lord always... but do I give Him each day? Do I devout myself to Him always? Sadly I would have to admit that I not always have.
In a conversation with a good friend of mine I was told a true story about a two pastors, one was a Youth Pastor, and the other the Head Pastor. For the sake of flow we will call the Youth Pastor Steve, and the Head Pastor Rick.
Steve had been working at the church for a couple months, in these months he had been observing and talking with Rick. Which is completely understandable seeing as Rick was a bit of a mentor for him. Rick had been in Ministry for quite some time now and was very wise and serious about his job and faith. But Steve couldn't understand how Rick's life and faith were so perfectly intertwined and in-tune with each other. So he approached Rick and asked,
"How is you faith so solid? Please what is the secret"
Rick responded with a smile and said, "I just seek God."
Steve shrugged and moved on, but it kept eating away at him, Rick's response was not sufficient enough for him. One day Steve could not resist it, it was eating away at him to know what Rick's secret was.
He confronted Rick in his office, "Rick, what is your secret?! Please I want to know"
Rick replied, "Do you really want to know?"
"YES!"
Rick continued, "I watch little to no TV, and rarely use my phone other then calling, instead for my entertainment, I read through the New Testament every week, from beginning to end. I made this commitment ever since I started in ministry and have not wavered from it since."

Remember this is a true story. You see Steve saw something in Rick, something that truthfully I fully believe all Christians should have and want. Unfortunately so many Christians see no issue with not having it... What I am getting at is we have a God who has created the universe, who has named each star, who provides rain for the plants, who knows, can do, and sees all things. A God who loved His creation of man so much that He came and lived on top of a box and in the shape of a cloud for years, who came and sacrificed His own son for our sake. Here's the catch though... He has, is and does all these things, and we can't bother to spend time with Him each day.
Now we might look at this story and think "The whole New Testament in a whole week?! That is insane!" But is it really? I someone once told me that for devotions each morning they read 4 chapters of the Bible, 2 in the Old and 2 in the New Testament. Another person then turned around and said "That is crazy." I didn't take note of it, completely forgot about the comment until recently when I started taking my own devotional life more seriously... the comment of "That's crazy" well personally I think that comment is "Crazy!". When we read scripture we see verses like;
"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night" (Psalm 1:2)

"I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands." (Psalm 143:5)

And many more like this. So really, if I am going to call myself a Christian, someone who follows, loves and seeks the God of all things... an hour a day is the least amount of time asked for to be spent with Him!
Now hear me out when I say that if you truly are a Christian, you probably are out of a desire for God, and so really, truly if you desire Him, that hour will seem like nothing, you will begin to crave more, want more. I know people who spend up to five hours just in prayer and mediation on Scripture, why? Because they want to, the desire to, because they love the Lord their God with all their heart and all their understanding.
But oh yeah... your busy....
This has not been a Blog post out of judgement, but out of accountability for not only you brothers and sisters, but also for myself. I am as guilty of "I am busy" excuse as the next. 
God desires "Steadfast love" (Hosea 6:6) and how do we show that? Through sacrifice, desire, and a love for Him, and how is that shown? not only be showing others His grace and further His kingdom, but also by seeking His truth and knowledge through your personal, daily time with Him.
So look at your life... are you "To Busy" for Him? If so, if you truly love Him... what do you need to place upon the alter and sacrifice to draw close and spend more time with Him. God doesn't want "Busy", He wants "Here I am Lord, send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)

A Letter To All The Daughters, Sisters, Wives, Girlfriends, Girls and Women.

Dear daughter, sister, wife, girlfriend, girl, woman,

May I be one of the few men in your life that apologizes for how you have been treated. I am sorry that you think to gain attention by someone you must wear that low top or those high shorts. I am sorry that we expect you to be eye candy when really we should be looking your eyes which are full of pain and hurt. I am sorry we give whistles, winks, looks and slaps that you outwardly respond with flirting back, but on the inside all you want is someone to truly just care for you.
I am sorry of the times we have scrolled through Instagram looking for a picture to double tap. I am sorry that we make you into an object to be used, looked at, played with and then thrown away when the next best “thing” comes our way. I am sorry for the times when we have asked for a picture, when we have simply talked to you so “words can be extended”.
I am sorry for all those late nights we have stayed up lusting over your pictures, your videos and your chat replies. I am sorry for the hurt, the abuse, the pain, and mistreatment. I am sorry that in pretending to be “your man” we have really just solidified the fact that we are a little boy.

You do not have to wear those clothes, say those things, send those pictures and make those videos to be loved, to be wanted, to be cared for. Unfortunately we have force fed you those lies to make you think it is truth, that in order to get our attention you need to do those things. When in reality you don’t need to be anyone you aren’t, do anything you feel uncomfortable with, or say anything that you know is empty.

So be yourself, not what we say you are, not what the world demands you to be, not what you mind thinks you must do, be you.

So let me be on of the few MEN out there to say I am sorry for so much, and I know those words will not make up for everything. But I am making a stand, beside you… I am saying that it is time to grow up… that we need to be MEN in order to let you be the WOMEN YOU ARE.

Sincerely
-Nathan Huff

Broken Lenses on Two Very Different Things

Who are we to judge? Is God not the judge of all... however due to the misconception and misguided perception of the difference between Judgement and Accountability, the church has become a place to fear and not a place to love.
For the sake of seeking a Holy God we have abandoned furthering the kingdom of God for legalism. To tell the truth I am tired of it, I am tired of the fact that people when walking into a church building feel the need to hide their sin rather then confess it, not only to God but to their brothers and sisters in Christ.
If you have ears to hear, and eyes to see, truly I tell you... The people of God are not perfect. We may live with the lie, and tell our testimonies like we WERE ONCE SINNERS. But this is not true, we are sinners, you see grace in its definition is "The Attribute of God whereby He shows His goodness to those who deserve punishment". Here's an idea, or rather a truth... If we are perpetually washed in the Grace of God... does that not mean that we still technically deserve punishment? Because grace is "God's goodness to those WHO DESERVE PUNISHMENT"... doesn't the lyrics in the song go "If Grace is an ocean we're all drowning". SO WE ARE STILL SINNERS! WHY BECAUSE WE NEED GRACE! WHY BECAUSE WE STILL DESERVE PUNISHMENT.

So here's the thing, why then if this is true, if we believe this in the very core of our faith, do we go to church, pick up our Bible's and walk out of our house thinking we are better then everyone, that everyone needs us to tell them what they are doing wrong and what they should be doing right? Now hear me out, I am not saying that we should let everyone go on their merry way of living in sin, it may sound like I am saying that. But this is what I am saying. There if a difference between Judgement and Accountability.
Judgement (in the human sense of the word) is the act of looking down you nose at someone thinking you are higher then them and telling them everything they are doing wrong to make them lower then
yourself.  
Accountability is the act of coming along side someone and putting your arm around them and saying "Hey lets work through this together, I can kind of understand because I have gone through some crap in my life too".
You see the difference? Now here's the thing, I bet you anything that you didn't see accountability as that! That you had a marred view of what accountability is.
If we understand this then things begin to change. People begin to feel comfortable around us. they begin to see us as someone they can come to and talk with, that instead of shaking their head and finger at all their flaws, issues, problems and faults, they can come and have someone who will help them walk through these things, bringing them to Christ.
So look at your life... are you a judgement pro-claimer, an accountability helper, and are you willing to seek accountability yourself? are you willing to admit to God and to others you are not perfect, and will never be without God continually working in your life?

Hello My Name is Nathan and I am an Addict....

"Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. ¹⁶ Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." 
James 5:13-20 


Hello my name is Nathan and I am an addict... of what you may ask? Of sin. 
Sin is the issue in my life, does it matter what sin? Not really, if it did the I wouldn't have enough space on this block to write them. So my addiction is not ______ (please write on line), rather my addiction is just sin, all of it.
It knocks on my door when I wake up, it pushes me to go this way or that way, calling me to look, to do, to think. I have lived my life a slave to it for years, it has haunted me my entire life. It's hard not to give in, not to step over the line and let it have the power.
For a lot of my life I was addicted to sin, I was addicted to the rush, the buzz it gave me for those few moments I enjoyed it. But after... after I sat there, stood their, laid there, like waking up with a hangover it hurt. I felt guilty, dirty, I was disgusted by who I had become because of it. But time and time again I would go back to it, like a drug it called for me to get a quick fix, here there any where. I had become reliant upon it, upon sin.
Then the lies came, the lies of feeling alone, of being alone. "No one will understand, no one will like me, everyone will hate me, judge me, emotionally spit on me". So we put on our smiling masks... we move through life ignoring, neglecting, and denying the fact that we have an addiction. But soon it starts to get in the way, the cravings, the wanting, it begins to not simply happen in the time where we can hide from everyone else who will see it, it invades, unwanted, uninvited, and we are unprepared. It begins to control our thoughts, our actions, our words, our very life.
So we try to hide it even more, but it gets even worse. We know we need to let people in to help, but what if they don't understand? what if they judge me, what if... what if... what if. Those famous two words Satan wields like a giant sword, waving it in our face. So we just fall deeper into the hole.
But here's the thing. WE DON'T HAVE TO. James tells us, in summary, we can tell our brothers and sisters in faith, and should tell them about our addiction to sin, that through doing that we begin to help each other, working together to the goal, the prize, the one who will fill that desire we are trying so hard to please.
So my name is Nathan and I am an addict, are you?

Thanks Giving in the Hardest Times

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds," 
-James 1:2 

The leaves are turning, the masks and costumes have invaded our stores, and the anxiety, stress and panic of midterms are upon us. My friend's I think it is safe to conclude that Thanksgiving indeed is here. 
Now you might be thinking why I have chosen the verse I did to start this blog post. Here's the thing, I know that we as Christians have been deceived into not believing this verse. Wait... what did he just say?! That as Christians we have been lied to, mislead and misguided to not believe this piece of scripture? Yep that's what I have said. 
You see so many times I have come across Christians who are stuck, who refuse to move, who start turning away and not trusting God, and why? In most cases it has to do with this verse. It is the fact that many people when first coming to faith, and even years into their faith, do not take into account the fact that as Christians we do not belong in this world, we belong to the kingdom of God. And unfortunately this world doesn't really like that. In fact Satan absolutely detests fact that you belong to God. So he throws everything he can at you to make you fall, or trip, or look the other way, or completely leave the whole Christ following life altogether. 
Many Christian's out there when coming across a troubled situation, or unfortunate life circumstances, whether physical, spiritual or mental, tend to blame God for it. The words "forgotten, unloved, not caring, left, and cruel" become common in our vocabulary when coming the topic of faith or God pops up. We sit there and complain and cry, when in reality all we need to do is look at scripture and see that it says; "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28). 
Note the use of the word "ALL", am I saying that everything will be easy when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and decide to live a life devoted to Him? Not at all, rather I am saying that no matter what situation, circumstance or place you find yourself in God can and will use it if you let Him. 
So next time you find yourself in that part of life and faith, rather then frowning and asking "why" rather I challenge you to look to God and say, "Thank-you", why? Because if you do I guarantee you that in trust God, in pointing yourself to Him, He will use that situation, circumstance or moment to shape who you are in Him, to help you grow a deeper understand, trust and faith in your eternal father. 
So Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and remember "Give praise with the Thankful heart", whether it seems like it should be thankful or not!  

Love? or Light Switch?

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind"
-Matthew 22:37

So this verse popped up on my phone today, and it made me think, "As Christians do we fully fulfill this commandment?"
But really, do we? I think as Christians we read this verse and just put our Bible down, walk out of church, or leave the small group think that it was an nice verse and that is it. In James it says that we should not become like a man who looks at a mirror, ans when walking away forgets what he looks like (James 1:24). But we are so guilty of this, especially when it comes to "Loving the Lord with all our heart and mind".
You see what that means is complete surrender to Him. How many of us are guilty of saying we will follow Jesus to the cross, but yet not giving all to Him? We begin to hold onto things, the famous word "But" begins to become a beginner for a lot of our vocabulary with God. Loving Him means giving into Him, not holding onto anything but His hand. God can't lead us through life if we are dragging everything behind us.
As a follower, believer, and lover of YHWH God I suffer from this challenge to. For years I have dragged stuff behind me, with one hand "Lifted in surrender" like the praise song says, but one hand behind me dragging all the junk of my life along. God doesn't want my junk, He wants me.
This is called conviction, fortunately it is a regular thing. For me it comes each day, especially with being a guy in a secular world. I am a guy who has dragged a lot of stuff behind me, a lot of stuff that is not loving of or for Him. Whether it be actions, looks, wants, thoughts, words, you see loving God isn't just in a church, with reading my Bible, or spending time in prayer, loving Him is a full action and commitment of my life! Every breath we take should be in love of and for Him!
So I ask this, do you fully "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind" with every step, breath, thought, word, click, look, action. Or is it temporary, turned off and on... God isn't a light switch, or a TV flicker... He is the sun of the day and the moon of the night, always shinning, always there.
Who is your lover?

The First Marriage

The first marriage was done at a bedside, knees bent, head bowed, hands folded. The vow's were made "Jesus, forgive me, enter my heart". But where they fully understood? Unfortunately an adulterous relationship within the marriage began, not with another individual but with self. Age 12 and the vows and marriage were barley a memory, fully giving into the act of idolatry. The image played mind games and hand games. Unknowingly. Age to age, past to past, time went so fast, until STOP.
"Be my child" the vows were renewed at the words of "Okay". So all was dropped and made whole again, but yet the adultery continued, now knowing the wrong, knowing that this idolatry was braking the very marriage, life was built on. STOP. STOP. STOP. but yet it continued.
Silence became a good friend, the conversations of hush and shush, laughing at jokes, but yet knowing they were about you, behind it all. These vows once to precious were so hard to keep. She would say "Leave, leave and we will run away each night" truthfully sometimes morning.
Year after year, age after age, the act was upon each page. UNTIL STOP. Put down the phone, put down the video, put down the hand and read. Read.
The Spirit filled it, began to move like the days of old where the men and women spoke of a second coming, foretold. Age by age the sin was wiped away, but yet remnants still stay, a look, a glance. It still is dishonoring that vow.
The ring is shaped in a cross, the vow is told each moment, each breath, each day. This is my story, this is the truth, am I ashamed of the adultery and idolatry, sure, but without the act I could not stand here today and say, "your not alone, its okay", So lets work on it together, lets get back to the vows, recommit and try to quit. This is my story, this is who I am. But who He is, that is greater, that consumes me, and hopefully as we work together, whether it be in person, or prayer, or by letter, it would become your entirety as well. 
The flowers are made, the engagement has happened, He waits at the alter...